Sean and Lindsay take a moped/golf cart hybrid to the market where they do strange things. Sean thinks it would be a grand idea to test Lindsay to see if she'll eat bugs for him, and naturally, she eats them. Because who wouldn't? I'm vom-ing. I wouldn't eat bugs (or chicken feet) for ANYONE. Not even you, Sean Lowe. A fun and adventurous life does not have to (and should not) include eating bugs or chicken feet. Sean and Lindsay kiss and I'm wondering how grasshopper-flavored lips taste. Sounds mega yum to me! Sean and Lindsay go to the beach, and she tells America that she wants to tell Sean she loves him today. She also says today has changed her life because everything seems more real, but I think today changed her life because she will forever be mentally scarred from eating a FREAKING GRASSHOPPER. I clearly can't let this go, y'all. They fed some monkeys on the beach (which was super BA), and I want to feed monkeys in Thailand! My future hubs has so many things on his "Things To Take Shae To Do" list. He can thank ABC and every romcom ever made for my unrealistic expectations. Sean and Lindsay have dinner in front of some Thai floats that light up, and suddenly I feel like they're at the fair (this is in no way a good thing). Right as Lindsay is about to tell Sean she loves him at dinner, some dancing circus freaks come out from behind the floats. Lindsay says she feels like she's in a movie (presumably a movie about a fair). Sean pulls the fantasy suite card out of thin air, and they decide to take it (duh). Currently, Thailand is looking a lot like a circus, a fair, and a parade. All in one. In the fantasy suite, Lindsay tells Sean she loves him, and it's very awkward and forced. Sean says "I love hearing you say that," and my heart dropped! I thought he was going to tell her he loved her, too. I bet Lindsay was super let down when she heard those last four words. I was.
AshLee, AshLee, AshLee. She is SO excited to be in Thailand with the LOVE OF HER LIFE. She LOVES this man and LOVES being with him. AshLee: "I love being with you." Sean: "Me, too." Sean loves being with himself. Presh. On a serious note, I hate it when people say "Me, too" to statements such as "I love you," "I miss you," "I always have fun with you," etc. (I could go on for days). AshLee continues to talk about how in love she is with Sean (we get it). Sean makes AshLee swim through a cave with him to get to their private beach for their date. She has a panic attack before she even gets off the boat, and insists she needs a floaty (I would need a floaty too, Ash). She brings up her daddy issues for the first of approximately one million times tonight. She is terrified because swimming through a dark cave makes her more vulnerable than she's ever been. She's vulnerable now because she was abandoned and her parents didn't love her and because abandonment abandonment abandonment. Because this is so relevant to swimming through a cave. What? AshLee needs to realize that swimming through a dark cave would be terrifying for anyone. Even someone who isn't adopted, doesn't have trust issues, and who isn't a control freak (me, for example). I know her past has/had a huge impact on her life, and it should, by all means! But not everything in her life needs to be related to her abandonment issues, and she can't blame her abandonment for everything for the rest of forever. Let. It. Gooooo. AshLee, metaphor queen, compares the dark cave to life, saying that in life, sometimes you walk down alleyways with the person you love, and if that's what love is about- count me out. I'm no fan of dark alleyways, regardless of who I'm with. Sean says he sees the light at the end of the tunnel and seriously how many more analogies do we need to make? Sean loves being AshLee's protector AKA he loves getting a power trip every time he's around her. Sean marvels at the beach and says it is picturesque and the forests surrounding it are lush. He's obvs brushed up on his vocab since last week's encounter with Nate and the repetitive use of "reciprocation." Reciprocation, reciprocation, reciprocation must have made Seanie feel insecure in his language. AshLee is being emotional and dramatic and says that the overnight date is the one part of this whole process she's been worried about. LIAR. She worries about everything. After making sure she and Sean are on the same page about no sexy time allowed, she decides to take advantage of this opportunity to get to spend more time with Sean. She says her whole "heart" wants to stay the night with him. Side note- Does anyone know what the H a gypset is and why the H AshLee felt the need to wear it in bold, gold letters across her neck? AshLee tells Sean exactly what kind of ring she wants and even her ring size. If Sean wasn't sure about who he was sending home before, he has full clarity now. AshLee is convinced Sean has healed her broken heart, but really he's just breaking it more. I genuinely want to know why AshLee thought it was a good idea to come on this show? What was her thought process? Hey, I have trust issues and I'm broken. I think I'll date this guy who will be dating up to 25 other girls at the same time because that sounds like it would help me be more trusting. I'm so CONFUSED.
Catherine runs up behind Sean and hugs him and kisses him and then she jumps around for a solid 60 seconds. Sean gets noticeably more excited when he sees Catherine than when he sees Lindsay or AshLee. As Sean and Catherine talk, he occasionally kisses her head. AWWWWW. Catherine tells Sean she is so over Seattle and would be ready and willing to move to Dallas for him. She says she can't believe a guy like Sean is into her; it "boggles" her mind. I love how humble she is. Sean and Catherine kiss in the rain. AWWWW again. They are totes preshy! Catherine says she is traditional and she doesn't know if she's comfortable staying overnight in the fantasy suite with Sean, but after realizing that the fantasy suite is more about valuable alone time and less about sexy time, they decide to go for it. I'm wondering why the girls this season are bothered by the fantasy suite date when before no one has ever cared (except for Emily not even offering it to her final 3). Did ABC just happen upon girls with morals this season or what? Catherine keeps referring to Sean as "beefy" and "hunky," and it freaks me out. She tells Sean that she has been made fun of her whole life for being "chunky" and for eating a lot. So...what does that make me? Sean says I'm smoking hot and that he's the lucky one to have me. I mean... Catherine. She's smoking hot, and he's lucky to have her. Whatever. Catherine says when she looks into Sean's eyes, something visceral happens, and does anyone even know what that means? Also she is ah-mazed by the sky full of stars above them. Who knew skies were full of stars? Sean's kisses give me the cringies (another made up word; get over it). WAY too much tongue-age.
Sean watches the video messages from the girls, and the look on his face during AshLee's message is a telltale sign that she is going home. She cries in her vid and says she's super emotional, like this is a new thing. You've been emotional all season, baby. Time to go home. Also, Catherine, WHAT ARE THE WIGGLES? Sean gives you the WIGGLES? Sean gives Catherine the wiggles. What..the.....does that even mean? I don't get it. I really, really don't get it.
AshLee shows up to the Rose Ceremony wearing a stripper dress. I'm legitimately concerned that all of America is about to get a glimpse of AshLee's boobies. Even if the dress fit her, it would still be ugly. And I don't understand why she put that gaudy necklace with it. Sean gives roses to Catherine and Lindsay and sends AshLee home. Or to the psych ward. Probably to the psych ward. AshLee is muy angry and barely gives Sean a chance to explain his decision/say goodbye. She doesn't give much of a response back to Sean, and she gets in the van and leaves. If I were to ever go on The Bachelor (I wouldn't), when I got the boot, I would leave with some dignity and self-respect. First off, I wouldn't show all of America my goods (even if they were fake and huge). Also, I wouldn't storm off to the vehicle, I would give Sean a chance to say what he has to say, and I would at least wish him luck! AshLee was just that girl. Don't be that girl. AshLee says this process wasn't about laughter and having fun for her, and I'm convinced that she hates her life and has always hated her life. Homegirl needs to have some fun and let loose. She keeps turning her head away from the camera, and it looks like she is looking out the window for Sean. He's not chasing you down the road, Ash. Sorry boutcha. I'm excited to see/hear what she and the rest of Sean's ex-girlfriends have to say next week at the Women Tell All!
- Lindsay's blue high-low Rose Ceremony dress
- Lindsay's date night dress. At first glance I thought I really liked it, but after a closer look, I hated all the details.
- AshLee's day date outfit. Cream sweater, white shorts... Bad color combination.
- Catherine's date night outfit. Her dress was ugly and unflattering, and those black heels just didn't go. She's so cute!! I just wish she would let me dress her.
- AshLee's Rose Ceremony dress (as discussed above).
Thanks for reading!